Archive for July, 2009

fans and other things

I’m on Facebook and recently created a fan page for J. It’s crazy, people keep saying he should have one.

J is on facebook but is scared of it.

So I am managing his Facebook fan page, but trying hard not to freak him out over it.

If you know me on Facebook, you will see him in my fans. Go for it. (I already have family and some friends on there).


A friend of our’s, who is 6, poured scalding drink on herself yesterday.

She has second degree burns on her hands and trunk and is in bad shape in a big hospital.

Her mother is a very good friend of mine and their family is one of my favorite families in the world.

I don’t pray, but I am praying now.


Red is infatuated with Michael Jackson.

She is saving her money for American Girl Doll clothes, and refuses to spend it on anything else, but today she is thinking of buying a Michael Jackson book (after I scan it to be sure it is appropriate and nothing too freaky).

Leave it to my daughter to get engrossed in Michael Jackson.


Red had two teeth pulled at the dentist today.

I met with him before she went in and whispered, “you have my permission”.

Both teeth were jammed in, since Christmas they’ve been loose, but wouldn’t come out.

One tooth was dead.

It skeeved me out.

He pulled them, and she went through it without a hitch. He said, “she gave a nervous giggle when I took out the second one, and goes, “didja get it? I’m soooo relieved!”

She gets ten bucks for those two teeth! She deserves it!


Blue thinks Hermit Crabs are called “Kermit Crabs”.


J made dinner the other night.

It was really nice for the break, but I was skating on oil and smooshed tomatoes and all sorts of food.

No, he is not a clean cook.


It’s Like…

J, explaining to a friend of his, that we love each other and live together and are committed to each other:

“It’s just like we’re married…..but we’re not,” he said.

And then he asked me for a snack.

And I pointed him to the fridge.

Random “news”

I haven’t felt too great the last few days. And today I am really dizzy and feeling bloated and like I have been gaining weight. But the dizziness worried me. So I did something I have never done before. I went on WebMD. I plugged in my symptoms. And you want to know what the guess was?


And then I looked at my calendar and was like, “DOH.”

Because it starts tomorrow.

(fun fun)

In other news, Red got out of bed the other night, extremely upset. It started earlier in the evening when J and I took them to the piano bar for dinner. One of the owners is in her 80’s but a whippersnapper and came over to chat with us. Even though she is “all there”, she is quite wrinkley and shuffles around alot.

Red got really quiet the rest of the meal and then perked up when J started playing piano. We stayed just an hour and when J asked the girls for requests, they asked for Mommy to sing. Especially Cyndi Lauper songs. (yes. I really sing some of them)

But then, at bedtime, Red was really upset but wouldn’t talk to me.

Finally, she came downstairs, obviously having been bawling her eyes out, and said, “Mommy, there is something I really want to talk to you about. There’s something I want to tell you, but  I don’t know how to tell you.”

She finally spit it out.

“Old people really freak me out,” she said.

And then she started crying.

I suspect she is a little worried about the death thing, but when I asked her why, she said, “because they are just so DIFFERENT!”

We’d seen a few old folks that J and I knew. And you know what calmed her down?

I gave them personalities.

I told her what their names were, and who they were and how J and I know them, and what they used to do.

I also told her that old people were really really smart, because they have lived so long, they know lots of stuff.

It amazes me that the simplicity of that, got her calmed down, changed her mind that they weren’t aliens.

And at tennis camp this week, the girls are playing lots of tennis. After the first day, Red came home blurting out “WE PLAYED TOO MUCH TENNIS!” My response “well, it IS tennis camp, you know.” She wasn’t terribly enthused by that response. The following days, she enjoyed a bit more once she got into the groove.

With Blue, I got into a little Mommy trouble. I packed underwear for her to change into after she swam at camp. Apparently, the first day, a girl in her group peeked through the crack in the door of her changing stall and announced to the entire bathroom of girls, that Blue was wearing a Dora-the-Explorer-Diaper.  In fact, it was Dora, but it was underwear. Blue heard the girls all laughing.

But apparently, she came out of the stall and had pretended not to care and just glared at the mean girl.

And we refer to her as that, now.

Mean Girl.

It kind of rips my heart out, but I also love that Blue is stone-faced about it and wrinkles her nose and says she’s just gonna stay away from Mean Girl.

Before he left for work tonight…

Before he left for work tonight, J came forward to give me a hug and kiss.

He leaned in and then hooked a finger on the edge of my shirt and pulled it out, along with my bra, and poked my boobs.

One after the other.

And then  he kissed me.

And then he looked down my shirt again, with a shit eating grin, and goes, “Mine. Those-er-mine!”

I’m waiting up for him tonight.

This week in the hospital

We spent most of Tuesday in the ICU with a nearly fatal overdosed friend, who was released the next day and is back at work.

J and I have stopped trying to help her because even being in a coma didn’t scare her.

Nor does being taken by ambulance twice in a week to the hospital.

J has known her since she was eleven and I haven’t known her very long, but she is sweet and smart and has alot going for her if she weren’t dependent on heroin and pills.

The earnest pleading with her that comes from him is intense and the fact that she sits and lies to everyone about her problems/addictions is so frustrating.

Even more frustrating is that the hospital staff sucks.

We understand they can’t divulge any information to us since we aren’t family, but this girl sat in the hospital for two days with no family other than her 80 something year old crazy grandmother (who is reaching in her granddaughter’s handbag and giving her pills that have been bought off the street.  Talk about an enabler!) and no one seems concerned that she has shown up twice, nearly dead, and they haven’t persuaded her to or forced her into treatment.

J spent nine hours at his workplace acting as the manager while she was in the hospital. I spent as much time at the hospital as I could.

And now, she is back to “normal”.

As sirens went by our house last night, in the direction of her home, J called down there to be sure everything was alright.

Because the night the ambulance was called for her when she overdosed, what actually went through my head was, “I wonder if it is for her.”

And I was right on.

Sad, when it becomes so predictable.

Security was called in the hospital because J was so upset that the nurses wouldn’t listen to him when he was trying to hand them pills he found in her handbag, or the list of street drugs she was buying that a mutual friend had given him (the friend had found them in her apartment when they went to walk her dog).

The nurses just said, “Oh, well, just don’t give them to her.” And he was like, “what? she is in ICU and you don’t want to look at this?”

Even worse, they didn’t give her a drug test when she came in.

I told J to bypass the local hospital and get me to the one ten minutes further down the road, if I were ever in need of hospital care.

When someone told J that she was being released, he just about punched a wall.

We know she will be back there at some point, at any point.

And we also know she will eventually die from this. And it will be too soon.

I am soured a bit to things right now. It makes me want to move. It makes me want to not be at the piano bar. It makes me want to run and hide and protect my children.

tidbits of our life

P1050995I think it’s amazing he can swim in water that’s not yet been warmed by summer.

I admire that.

I don’t love it when he stands over me and shakes it all over me.


I have this old antique clock that I inherited from my grandmother.

Apparently, it drives J batty because he can hear it ticking when he tries to nap on the couch.

He hasn’t been napping too much on the couch lately.


I have blocked our six month time apart when he was gigging overseas, out of my mind.

It’s like he never left.

I hardly remember a time when the toilet seat was actually left in the “down” position.


Going to bed or waking up in the morning with J rubbing my back has made me a little spoiled.

The tradeoff is that he gets his laundry done.

I overheard him tell his friend on the phone that it’s been a pretty easy adjustment, “it’s amazing, the last place I saw my underwear was in a pile on the floor and next thing I know it’s clean and folded in my drawer!”


The girls came home today after being gone for ten days with their dad.

J had to leave shortly afterwards to drive north to his Monday night gig.

Red, the one who usually keeps space between, globbed onto him before he left.

Just like her mommy.

Untitled Post

Well shoot, I am not sure I have ever gone this long without posting.

I don’t even know where to start, but I will start with the notation that the summer weather has been nonexistent for the most part, concerning the weather.

We’ve had two beach days without the kids (because they’ve been with their dad on vacation), both of which consisted of J and I forcing ourselves to take some time out to get down there and lie around like we were being handed the world for a few hours with packed snacks and water and the sun beating down on us.

With the kids, about a week and a half ago, we’ve had three hours at the beach, in between rain and fog and cold temperatures.

They’ve been gone a week and on Monday morning come back to us.  I miss them but the time to really focus on what we are doing here, organizing, trying to plan our future, business-wise, and talking alot about where we want to go from here, has taken up alot of good time.

Things came to a screeching halt last weekend, on fourth of July, when we were called upon by the chef of the piano bar J plays in, to help wake up their boss. She is a young woman, she owns the place via inheritance, who is running it into the ground due to her lack of social skills and her dependance on drugs, specifically, heroin. Although she is “clean” from it, she takes Methadone and pills for a few ailments, one including anxiety. And apparently tends to take a  bit too much.

Fourth of July was one of those nights where the needle came out again, for some reason. We saw it on her arms and her legs.

At 1am when the piano bar was closing, we couldn’t wake her up in her office.

We called 911.

J has known her since she was eleven, as he worked many years ago in the same piano bar, for her dad.

She woke up an hour later when the paramedics were transferring her, taking them to the local hospital. I drove behind with the chef of the restaurant, while J went with her in the ambulance. After meeting in the emergency room, the doctors checked her, talked to her, but wouldn’t talk to us. Unfortunately, they wouldn’t talk to us about her “ailments”, because J and I (and some of her family) were now attempting to have an intervention.

I’ve never seen J like this, but he kept at the doctor, asking her to confirm that the tracks on her arms were fresh.

And the doctor (because of privacy laws, obviously) continued to refuse, coming close to calling security  because he was so upset no one would do anything to help her.

And all the while, this girl looked everyone in the eyes and told her she was clean.

The following day, we had a meeting with her, instigated by some of her family, and offered to take her to an inpatient facility the next day and that we would run the piano bar and restaurant for her for the rest of the summer without pay, partnering with the chef, to keep the doors open.

She contemplated it. But then walked away from it.

It’s disappointing. It’s sad. It’s life, unfortunately.

And we are pretty sure that after these few years of her struggles, she will either have some sort of life changing event to help her get clean, or one day, the doors will be closed because she died.